Growing Up

Here you would think I’m going to write about my childhood, how I was raised and how I grew up in the Catholic Church.

WRONG!

This post is going to be about growing up in our values, beliefs, what matters most and what matters very little.

Topic of the day: GROWTH

I have always been the type of person that wants to please others. I enjoy hosting gatherings, ensuring others are taken care of, and to the point that I try and remember to make certain foods that I know my guests love or refrain from making foods that I know they don’t care for. WHY DO I DO THIS?

I guess it’s embedded in my DNA. Either way, this my friends comes with a price. The price of always catering to others is this:

1. You lose your self worth.
2. You realize that you don’t truly have “friends”
3. You spend more time making others happy than yourself.

NUMBER 3 is like the biggest SLAP in the face! HELLO!!! ARE YOU HEARING ME?!

Let’s break these down. Losing your self worth…. that’s a huge statement. I found myself starting to ask this question often: Am I worthy? Ya see this for me comes from me always reaching out to others. Checking on them, asking about their day, remembering important days in their week and texting or calling to see how that day went. THIS. IS. EXHAUSTING. The exhausting part is mentally knowing that these friends do not do the same for me. Maybe they are busy, maybe they don’t care, maybe i’m overreacting? Am I worthy of their time? The short answer is NO.

But Ali, you shouldn’t check in with everyone always expecting a reply or expecting them to return the favor.. that is just selfish! Yes, it is. It is selfish of that person due to the way I have given my time for someone who doesn’t appreciate it or value it.

Next up on the list! You realize that you don’t truly have “friends.” I put friends in quotations for this reason: I still talk to some of my “friends” but I don’t consider them as part of my team, my squad, my ride or die type of friend. It doesn’t mean i’m not friendly, or that I am no longer their friend, just in a different aspect. Maybe I should group them as acquaintances but that sounds a little Corporate America. Anyway! Today is a great day to self evaluate your friends list. A friend is defined as a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another. If your “friends” do things that make them unlikable or not trustworthy, then maybe it’s time to GROW!

Finally, my last price I pay is that I spend more time making others happy than myself. SO. MUCH. TRUTH. I have a hard time with this one. Don’t you want others around you to be happy? OF COURSE! But continuously sacrificing my happiness for people that make me feel unworthy isn’t fair. These are the friends that you praise when something great happens to them, but they are silent when life gives you good news. The ones who don’t communicate back to you unless the conversation is benefiting them in some sort of way. The friends that have a negative response to most conversations or in the same sense the ones who have “done it bigger and better.” LIMIT YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE. This is hard to do. You may have a spouse who is dear friends with this person and it makes it hard to limit conversations. Or you and your so called “friend” may share a mutual friend who is a God send to you and it will be hard to hang out with them knowing your so called “friend” may be there. This is okay. You will be okay. YOU NEED TO BE OKAY.

The thing is, what everyone fails to talk about is the mental side of these behaviors. The anxiety, OCD, over planning, hyperventilation that comes from these experiences. It has truly shaken me to the core of my mental abilities. It took me awhile, but through great faith and great friends, I have learned who to trust, who to lean on and most importantly who to love. Most won’t understand why you are removing them. To be honest, a lot won’t even notice. You will feel different. You will have a joy to your tone and a skip to your step.

Growth is a long process. I know my faith journey is growing daily. I truly believe we never stop growing. Some people grow faster than others and some people grow longer than others. All is okay. That is why God made us all special and unique in our own ways. Do your friends a favor today. Send out a text, call your neighbor, spread the love and check on those who you may have been neglecting. Life happens, but there is always time for true friends.

Hugs and Loves, Ali

” I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.” John 16:33