I have read a lot of self help books, guides to grief, guides to faith, blogs, articles and scripture. During all of my reading adventures I have yet to come across a “How To” guide for certain topics that I feel lack knowledge. One particular topic is Encouragement. This is your guide on learning how to encourage others in everyday life.
Step 1: Close your mouth
Yes, it really is that simple. Do not talk, do not make a facial expression, do nothing but press your lips together and keep your mouth closed. We are so quick to want to interject our thoughts or feelings when someone else is sharing news. Even if we want to say congratulations, first step is to say nothing. Let the speaker finish, go through the entire news and then while your mouth is closed you will have time to think about your reaction. I have been struggling with my daughter coming in our bedroom in the middle of the night because she is scared. It has created extra fatigue, but at the same time I embrace the blessing of her being little and still needing me. When sharing this “news” to others, I’ve mostly received great advice, tips and encouragements that I cherish and appreciate. There has been the comments of “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore” or “I’m glad my kids are older and I don’t have to deal with that.” This got me thinking of course. Is my inconvenienced sleep really that bothersome? No. While I do enjoy a good routine and a plan being executed flawlessly, I have to realize that children are human and they have real feelings. I also thought about the couples who are desperately waiting their turn to have a child and experience parenthood. There is a woman out there who would love nothing more than to be woken by the sound of a crying child. A man who can’t wait to build a pallet on the floor of the bedroom for when their child is scared. These “blessings” that we see as inconveniences are a real struggle for a lot of people in our world. Hang in there my friends. In God’s time.
Step 2: Don’t make it about YOU
This is a hard one. I’ve unfortunately fallen into the trap of self gloating more times than I want to admit. If someone comes to you with good news, bad news or just news that they need to run by a listening ear, do not turn it around to talk about you. This is not your story, this is not your time to shine. Even if you’ve been through the exact same situation, you will never ever feel the exact same feelings or have the same mental emotion as the other person. Case in point: Someone loses their job or a loved one. You may have experienced a similar loss. Saying “I know how you feel,” isn’t the best way to start showing the empathy the speaker may be looking for. You may have an idea of how they feel, but you truly don’t know how they feel. This person may be facing some awful demons as a result of the loss. The suffering they are going through will not look the same as yours. Instead, offer prayers and love and kindness. Bring that person’s family a meal, so the stress of cooking is alleviated. Take their children to the park so they can have time to decompress all the adult things going on. Talk to your church and see other ways they can help this friend. Most importantly pray for them. Pray that God heals the hurt, worry and anxiety in their hearts and minds.
Step 3: Clap
Another easy step! Clap. That means to clap for others. I’m not talking about physically clapping your hands, unless the news warrants a big response. I’m talking about in your mind, clap for that person. Mentally clap your hands and be proud of their good news. Someone got a promotion? GREAT! Someone is pregnant? YAY! New car? AWESOME! Kid got a scholarship? WHOO HOO! Weight loss? YES! Every single good news should be welcomed with the spirit of happiness. Not malice or jealously. This always reminds me of The Seven Deadly Sins. The one I am particularly talking about is Envy. Envy is jealousy towards another’s happiness also defined as sadness or desire for the possessions, talents or abilities of another. We overcome this envious behavior with kindness and gratitude. We should love others without bias or spite. Remember that God blesses us in different ways and we should look upon our life and others with a positive spirit instead of counting the times God “hasn’t” blessed us. Thank God each day for the life he has provided you and the blessings you have received. You woke up this morning? GREAT. Someone else fell asleep in the arms of God the night before. You have to go to work? AWESOME. Someone just got laid off and is struggling to pay their electricity bill. You are annoyed by having to go to mass Sunday morning? EVEN BETTER. Someone out there not allowed to attend mass in public for fear of persecution. We need to clap for others, be thankful for our lives, show kindness always and watch God as he pours out His blessings upon you.
These 3 steps seem simple, but yet we all struggle with this daily. Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of bed. I blame this much on the fatigue my daughter causes me during the night, and maybe that is the reason, but I whisper a prayer thanking God for giving me this day. Thanking Him for waking me up this morning and providing me with the opportunity to live in an area that is allowed to worship and praise Him publicly. To be able to receive the Eucharist and be involved in mass with such a wonderful church family and priest that is always available for our needs. That my friends, is the gratitude and virtue that has been given to us by God.
Hugs and Loves, Ali
“Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18