A Southern Catholic

The role of females in the Catholic Church

I know this is a touchy subject for many so I will try to present this delicately. Although I’m more of the “give it to you straight kinda girl” after all, southerners are normally honest to a fault.

Let’s start this one off very simply:

If you are a woman and you are a lector or if you have a daughter, granddaughter, niece etc. that is an altar server by all means DO NOT stop serving the church in the capacity that you are currently serving. This isn’t a way to remove females from these roles, it is simply a way to inform my readers of the more traditional view of the Catholic Church.

Y’all know I have something to back my reverent thought process…

Code of Canon Law of 1917:

Canon 813, § 2. “The mass server should not be a woman, unless no man can be found and there is a good reason, and then on this understanding that the woman responds from a distance and does in no way approach the altar.”

And it stayed that way, for a long time! It wasn’t until 1970 that the Catholic Church allowed female lectors, not in a permanent role. We then journey all the way to 1994, the year the Catholic Church allowed female altar servers, under one condition: The Diocesan Bishop has full authority to grant permission to the churches they oversee to permit female altar servers. Simply put, the Bishop had to make the decision to allow girls on the altar. I believe most Bishops chose this route with the exception of maybe a couple of Dioceses in the United States. But in 2001, the Vatican’s Congregation for Divine Worship sent out a reiteration that the Bishop can indeed refuse to permit female altar servers.

All of this has been on a temporary or permissive basis. Basically, women could serve in all these capacities as acolytes but not be permanently installed. That was the way just until 2021!

In January of 2021, Pope Francis changed church law to allow women to be permanently installed as lectors or acolytes—essentially, readers, distributors of Communion and assistants at Mass and the sacraments. Although women have performed these ministries at Mass for decades, they had until now been barred from being permanently installed in these roles. This permanent installation, made official in a church ceremony, is extremely rare for lay people. Y’all this is RARE! This isn’t the norm. Can you see that it took all the way until 2021, that is just two short years ago for this to be a permanent thing?

Now I’m not saying that men are better than women or that women don’t have equal rights as men. However, there are roles in the church for both genders. But let’s look a little deeper at what the 1994 letter stated:

The 1994 letter states: “It will always be very appropriate to follow the noble tradition of having boys serve at the altar. As is well known, this has led to a reassuring development of priestly vocations. Thus the obligation to support such groups of altar boys will always continue.”

The letter also recommends to bishops to consider “among other things the sensibilities of the faithful, the reasons which would motivate such permission and the different liturgical settings and congregations which gather for the Holy Mass.” (EWTN)

Think about it this way, would you want your son to go spend time at the convent with religious sisters knowing he could never become a nun? Being an altar server is a great foundation for our youthful males to grow in their role of the church and hopefully and prayerfully continue their growth into possibly becoming a priest. I know not every altar server will become a priest, but the fact is, with our decline in priestly vocations, why would you want to serve in a role that could foster that call into the priesthood?

Women have many opportunities to serve their church, and if some of these ministries aren’t available at your church, maybe you could start them! Or for my male readers, get your wives or mothers or sisters in your life involved in these! These aren’t of course secluded to just women at my parish but just ideas to be considered: New Mother’s Ministry (bringing food and companionship to mother’s who just had a baby in your parish), Bereavement Ministry, Teaching Catechism, Ladies Altar Society (ironing altar-linens, caring for the sacristy, etc.) these are just a few ways to service your church.

In my personal perspective of the entire thing I would never approach the altar or stand in the sanctuary during Mass. It is a sacred space that I have no authority to be a part of. That is where Jesus is, that is where our Holy Priest is performing sacred rituals and the sacrifice of the Mass. What occurs at the altar is a constant reminder of my unworthiness in this world.

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“In calling only men as his Apostles, Christ acted in a completely free and sovereign manner. In doing so, he exercised the same freedom with which, in all his behavior, he emphasized the dignity and the vocation of women, without conforming to the prevailing customs and to the traditions sanctioned by the legislation of the time.”

–St. Pope John Paul II Mulieris Dignitatem

Today I want to deep dive into the topic that I have seen get some attention lately. Should women wear a chapel veil to Mass? Why do women wear chapel veils? What is the importance of chapel veils anyway?

I know those are some loaded questions. For informational purposes for my readers, I do wear a chapel veil to Mass, Adoration, going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, attending Stations of the Cross, basically anytime I am in the church I will be wearing my chapel veil. Also, I have attended Mass celebrated in someone’s home and I wear my chapel veil there too. Anytime Jesus is present in the most Holy Eucharist whether that be during Mass or in the Monstrance in Adoration or in the tabernacle while inside the church. As Catholics, we believe that Christ is truly present in the Eucharist-body, blood, soul and divinity.

With that being said, I’m sure you might have seen or read about an increase in women veiling at Mass. I attend a pretty reverent Novus Ordo Mass and there are many women who veil at my parish. For me, prior to starting to veil, I never noticed these women had a veil on. It wasn’t something that stood out as a distraction nor did it cause me to think they were somehow better than me because they had on a veil and I didn’t. Truly, I thought it was beautiful, reverent and incredibly courageous. Women can be their own worst enemies with self image, so I know these women must have had to overcome some sort of anxiousness their first time putting on the veil. Still I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take the leap of faith.

Months later I helped work a Catholic retreat over the weekend that my parish hosted. During that weekend, Jesus was present in so many ways. There were profound moments of reverence, holiness and spirituality that overcame us all, to the point there were not enough veils to go around. I would like to think that if we had enough extra veils-there wouldn’t have been a woman’s head uncovered when we celebrated Mass Sunday ending our retreat weekend. From that moment on, I wanted to approach Jesus with as much reverence, humility and respect as I could.

So what is the importance of chapel veils? Let’s look at a little scripture:

“For just as woman came from man, so man is born of woman; but all things are from God.

Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head unveiled?

Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears his hair long it is a disgrace to him,

whereas if a woman has long hair it is her glory, because long hair has been given [her] for a

covering?” 1 Corinthians 11:12-15

We see here that women have been participating in worship at Corinth without the head-covering normal in Greek society of the period.  Paul’s stated goal is to bring them back into conformity with contemporary practice and propriety. (usccb.org) In other words, Paul is trying to present the argument that head coverings for women are the best practice. I use this scripture versus others because it falls in the New Testament. I hear arguments of scripture based in Old Testament about women veiling and how we have no mention of it in the New Testament so here it is for you in the New Testament. Women I’ve spoken to feel a devotion to God when veiling and it provides us a way to encounter a prayerful reverence in the most feminine form.

There are a lot of times we see veils in the Catholic faith. The altar is veiled, the tabernacle is veiled, Mary was veiled, and after all, since I am consecrated to our Blessed Mother, I do try to live a life dedicated towards her and reverence. Why do women wear chapel veils? I think veiling also gives women a further sense of humility when receiving Holy Communion. We humble ourselves to receive Jesus and show him that it’s not about us-this moment-consuming Him in the most Holy Eucharist-is all about Him. I find as a woman, it also adds a sense of awareness to how I dress. I want to dress nicely for Jesus, not roll out of bed and throw a veil on and call it a day. Taking the time to respectfully choose modest clothing, my Sunday’s best, and coming to Mass to show Jesus I give my very best self for Him and to Him every Sunday.

So should you wear a chapel veil? That decision is yours and only yours. I had a friend explain to me once that when she veiled she felt she was within her own church. There were no distractions, nothing but the ability to focus on our Lord. I think that is a great way to describe how it feels. In various moments, while I’m at Mass, nothing else in the world matters. My focus, my gaze, is always forward, intently participating and fixating my eyes on the crucifix. Recounting Christ’s death on the cross and how Veronica wiped Jesus’s face with her veil. That in that moment, a woman provided relief for our Lord, even for a split second with the special covering upon her head. No matter your decision, let’s pray for those who are deciding if veiling is the right path for them. Pray for courage and increased positivity in our self image.

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“The covering of the head with a veil symbolizes the reality of woman sheltered in the side of her Source and becoming one with Him. She becomes covered and hidden in her Divine Spouse. -St. John Chrysostom

The uncomfortable questions that deserve answers.

There is no sugar coating this topic. After all, Holy Communion and Jesus present in the most Holy Eucharist is a topic that deserves all of our attention and an honest reflection.

Let’s start with how we receive Holy Communion. What a controversial topic! You wouldn’t think so in the Catholic Church-but here we are still debating one way or the other. Let’s dive in:

First- let’s get this one out of the way. IF you receive Holy Communion on the tongue and a priest DENIES you to receive that way, you have a case to present to higher authority. Meaning, there is no, zero, zilch, dispensation that states you can not receive on the tongue. Not anywhere in Canon Law. Now if you are denied receiving on the tongue, I wouldn’t make a spectacle of it, but you do you have the right, after Mass, to approach the priest or call the diocese and voice your complaint. If that were to happen to me-it hasn’t yet- I would simply receive however I am allowed because I feel receiving the Eucharist at Mass is better than not being able to receive at all. Moving on…

We live in a world today that is full of hatred for Catholicism and our most precious Lord. Did you know there is a term “Black Mass” where Satanic groups perform a ceremony or celebration. Basically it is a mockery of the Catholic Mass. These “Black Masses” use stolen hosts from people who “pose” at Catholic Masses as a communicant receiving Holy Communion in the hand and instead of consuming the host, they put it in their pocket. THEY TAKE JESUS AND PUT HIM IN THEIR POCKET AND GO AND DEGRADE HIM AT THE BLACK MASS. Let that sink in. Could you even begin to imagine what they do with stolen hosts? How awful it must be! Receiving on the tongue ensures that this does not occur.

Pausing for a moment: How many of you do not even believe Jesus is present in the Most Holy Eucharist? I would imagine at least half of my readers-if we are having an honest reflection. Sure maybe you believe the Eucharist is a symbol of Christ, but that it is TRULY our Lord? If this is you, I strongly encourage you to begin a deep dive into furthering your spiritual reading on Catholicism. I can tell you a personal experience of receiving Holy Communion while at mass during a spiritual retreat. As I knelt down to receive the Eucharist, I was overcome with emotion. Tears begin streaming down my face and all I could think of was how unworthy I was to be able to be given the grace of consuming Jesus and having Him within me. To the point that after I make it back to my kneeler to pray after receiving, I was literally sobbing. Like big ole, can’t catch my breath sobs. I was embarrassed because I couldn’t get it together but I had no idea where this was coming from. I tried to calm myself down but as other people went to receive Communion, I just kept weeping. After Communion was completed, before the priest gave the Prayer after Communion he paused at the altar and said- not verbatim because I can’t remember exactly as it was a whirlwind: “When you receive Holy Communion, you are receiving Jesus and the emotion that is felt should be felt every time. That is how important understanding His presence in the Eucharist is and the power it has in us.” Since that moment I still get in my feelings when receiving Holy Communion. Not the sobbing feelings like I experienced, but at least a heart rate increase, unworthiness mixed with solemn emotion.

After all that being said, touching my most precious Jesus with my unconsecrated, unworthy hands is something I do not wish to do. So is it wrong to receive that way? Absolutely not! You are free to choose either to receive Communion in the hand or on the tongue. Isn’t America great? All about choices! I am merely a source of information to help you make your decision if you are discerning one way or the other.

Let’s talk about receiving Communion in the hand and Eucharistic Ministers. Some of you might be familiar with the name Maria Simma. Her amazing book “Get Us Out Of Here,” answers questions about her interactions with the Holy Souls in Purgatory. Holy Souls visit Maria and request certain things or prayers to get them out of Purgatory. Or they come to visit her telling her why they were sent to Purgatory. It is a powerful book and one that I encourage you all to read. Some souls of Purgatory tell Maria Simma that the sin for which they have to suffer the most is because they have received Communion in their hand.  

The rule: When the size of the congregation or the incapacity of the bishop, priest, or deacon requires it, the celebrant may be assisted by other bishops, priests, or deacons. If such ordinary ministers of Holy Communion are not present, “the priest may call upon extraordinary ministers to assist him, i.e., duly instituted acolytes or even other faithful who have been deputed for this purpose. In case of necessity, the priest may also depute suitable faithful for this single occasion (GIRM 162). In my opinion, “Extraordinary” does not refer to the difference between the faithful having to wait two minutes instead of ten to receive Communion.

Back to Maria: “One day, a woman who distributed Communion, urged other women to do the same, she passed away. Before the funeral, the coffin was open for family and friends to give the last salute. Then it was closed. However, a close relative arrived late and asked the priest to open it so that he could also say goodbye to the deceased. The priest lifted the cover of the coffin and looked inside. Several saw that the woman’s hands had turned black. This sign, for me, as for the rest, was God’s confirmation that unconsecrated hands cannot distribute Jesus during Communion.”

WOW! I think, if the Eucharistic Minister had black hands-what would mine look like if I received Communion in the hand?

Let’s see what St. Pope John Paul II says: “I cannot be in favor of the Communion in the hand and I cannot recommend it. The priest has a primordial responsibility as a ‘servant of the Holy Eucharist and of all the Holy Forms’, primordial because it is complete. Touching the Holy Creations is a privilege of the ordained ones” (Dominicae Cenae II) Ooh JP2 surely didn’t sugarcoat anything did he?

Let’s go back to Maria: She calls Communion in hand “the work of the devil.” “Many are for, due to lack of obedience to the Holy Father, lack of love for the Holy Mass, lack of love for prayer and fasting, not having read the breviary, and I repeat, for the Communion in the hand… The souls of Purgatory have told me that no Pope to this day has supported the Communion in the hand, a rite that was promoted by a group of cardinals and bishops. All the Popes knew very well that the Communion in the hand was against the veneration of the Holiest of the Holy Ones. …I know a very good woman who doubted this and simply asked Jesus himself to send her a clear signal so that she could be clarified. Jesus did it! The next time the priest came to give Communion, he put the Eucharist in the palm of her hand. As soon as he did it, the Host rose from her hand, went up and disappeared into the air. This little miracle was also seen by several witnesses…”

I guess what I am getting at is that knowing all of this information, there is a part of me that feels so strongly about not receiving Communion in the hand. We haven’t even touched base on the fact that you can leave particles of Jesus on your hand or to fall on the ground for people to step on. There is a powerful video titled “Jesus is on the floor” on YouTube if you want to expand that thought.

Finally, please don’t think I am bashing Eucharistic Ministers. I do believe there is a time and place when they are needed. For instance, if you are at a mass with 2000 people and only one priest. I can see how having someone else there to help you distribute Holy Communion would be helpful. Or when you have only one priest at your parish and you use Eucharistic Ministers to distribute Holy Communion to the sick and the homebound. Or bring Communion to the elderly in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Or to the imprisoned. I do think we need Eucharistic Ministers and their work is very special to allowing everyone access to the most precious body, blood, soul and divinity of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

The information I have presented is just the tip of a big iceberg of information regarding the matter. I encourage you to do your research, pray about your decision and ask Jesus to guide you. No matter how you receive Holy Communion, whether in the hand, or kneeling on the tongue, I ask that you keep the most reverence when doing so. Also to only receive Communion if you are in a state of grace. Meaning you have made a recent visit to the confessional. Remember, you are about to consume our Lord, Jesus Christ and He deserves all of our respect and complete attention.

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.” John 6:51

I have seen this phrase pop up more and more on my social media outlets and have just realized why. You see, apparently there are Catholic Churches that exist where the tabernacle is NOT placed in the sanctuary of the church. I have never been to a Catholic Church where the tabernacle was not front and center, but I have recently found out that this is a thing. Some churches are putting the tabernacle in a separate room, or even in another structure completely, away from the church. It has begun to spark questions and through my agreed personal reverent belief of the church, has parishioners begging for a reform of sorts. “Long Live Christ the King!” (Viva Cristo Rey!)

I can imagine we (Catholics) have gotten to this point of dishonor and disrespect through the lack of belief. According to Pew Research: “nearly seven-in-ten Catholics (69%) say they personally believe that during Catholic Mass, the bread and wine used in Communion “are symbols of the body and blood of Jesus Christ.” Just one-third of U.S. Catholics (31%) say they believe that “during Catholic Mass, the bread and wine actually become the body and blood of Jesus.” Wow. I am sure this is why tabernacles are not thought of with the utmost respect. People don’t believe that Jesus is present in the Eucharist. And that my friends needs to change!

I am passionate about the Eucharist and have found great love from receiving Him as often as I can. As I was reading more about the tabernacle debacle, the requests for showing reverence for Jesus were astonishing. Social media enthusiasts typing away their hopes and prayers for communion rails, the abolishment of Eucharistic Ministers and only receiving Holy Communion on tongue by a priest or deacon. If you know me, then you know that these are my kind of people! But what stopped me in my tracks and took my breath away was the following comment: “Jesus is worth the wait.”

JESUS. IS. WORTH. THE. WAIT. Y’all lightbulb moment! Can you name something more important than Jesus? I can’t. The comment was discussing the fact that if communion takes longer than normal because there are no Eucharistic Ministers, then so be it because Jesus is worth the wait and what is wrong with spending extra time in prayer?

We have become a society that believes in instant gratification. Amazon orders come quickly, fast food drive thrus, coffee mobile ordering and text message instant replies. We know what we want and we want it NOW. How did our time become more valuable now than it did even 5 years ago or 10 years ago? Do you think Jesus had a time limit on his teaching? Do you think he just said “well that’s enough, I know you all have a ball game or birthday party to get to”? No.

We hear in the Gospel of Matthew: “He went around all of Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and curing every disease and illness among the people. His fame spread to all of Syria, and they brought to him all who were sick with various diseases and racked with pain, those who were possessed, lunatics, and paralytics, and he cured them. And great crowds from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan followed him.” Matthew 4:23-25

GREAT CROWDS. Jesus taught crowds. Not just one church with a few families attending mass. CROWDS. Do you think the people in the crowds cared how long it took? They were in the presence of Jesus, the son of God. The same presence we see and can receive during Holy Communion.

I encourage you to help make sure the tabernacle in your home parish is where it rightly needs to be. If it is not, write a letter to your priest and to your diocese. Eucharistic Ministers (EM) is always a hot topic. No, I personally do not believe that any Catholic church should allow EM to administer the most precious body of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Only the priest’s hands are consecrated and my hands will never be worthy enough to touch Jesus. I feel like maybe if more people truly believed this, then they wouldn’t even want to become a EM. Now, will I receive communion from a EM? Yes. While not ideal, and definitely not something I enjoy, I’d rather receive Jesus then not receive Him at all. He knows my heart. And on the topic of Communion Rails, I am ALL IN! 100% believe this should be in every Catholic Church. Is there one in my home parish church? Sadly, no. At least not yet. We do have kneelers and I am thankful for that. It doesn’t matter though, families after families will walk up to receive communion and kneel on the floor next to each other at my home parish. The reverence that our priest has brought to our church has been amazing. I do not believe in instant gratification, so through prayer and time, I know our Communion Rail will come in His time. Next time that you look at your watch during Holy Communion, ask yourself, “Is Jesus worth the wait?”

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“Wait for the LORD, take courage; be stouthearted, wait for the LORD!” Psalm 27:14

Sometimes we don’t even notice we are stuck. We go through the motions day after day. Sure we wake up, maybe mumble a quick ‘Our Father’, go about our day, our routine. Wednesday rolls around and we are dropping kids off to CCD and then here comes Sunday and we go to mass, have lunch with the family and then bam back to re do it all over again on Monday. Being stuck happens over time. As time passes, we sink further into the rut. Finally, once we realize it, we are so far stuck that we can’t even find the way to climb out.

Today, I am going to share a few steps to get you unstuck. Particularly if you are stuck in a faith rut. As Catholics, there is a lot of repetition in our prayers and our mass. This isn’t meant to be boring or meaningless. However, we can sometimes feel ourselves drifting away from noticing God’s goodness and love to only surviving the day. I have said plenty of times, “Lord, just let me get through this day.” But guess what? The next day I’m saying the same thing. You know why? Because my faith is stuck. Think of it like gum stuck to your shoe. No matter how much you wipe your shoe in the grass it is still stuck. Eventually you have to get some cleaner, or an utensil to help in scraping off the gum. I’m going to help you scrape off your stuck faith.

MASS

You may be doing this already, but if not, you need to go to mass. It’s hard when we are stuck to want to go, to want to get up and get dressed and deal with all the kids and go. Especially if you’ve been stuck for awhile, it is super easy to just stop going altogether. If this is you, I encourage you to go. If this is you, make plans to attend mass this Sunday. I tell my youngest when she gently complains about attending mass some Sundays, “Jesus died on the cross for us, so we can go sit for 1 hour and thank him.” A quick reminder of that always puts some pep in her step to go.

**Side note** This will likely gain unpopular opinion. BUT. Even if you are out of town. Yes, on vacation, at a dance recital, swim meet, baseball game, football game, visiting family etc. You should be going to mass. Every Sunday. Being away from home and your home parish is not an excuse to miss. This is where we start to get stuck. Think back on the times you have missed, was it due to being away from home?

PSS

Now that you are attending mass, next up is to develop a spiritual routine. Think about it, when we shower, do we have a certain order we bathe, wash our hair etc.? When we wake up in the morning, we have a routine. Maybe it is to turn on coffee pot, exercise, get dressed, cook breakfast, then read the newspaper or social media. Each of us have a certain routine for things we do in life. We need to develop one for our spiritual life. Here is a snapshot of mine: I wake up, pray (this can be anything or simply thanking God for waking you up today) when time allows, I like to read scriptures and reflect, then on the way to bring my daughter to school we say our prayers (I am teaching her certain prayers so this is a great way to pray and for her to learn) once I arrive at work, I read the daily mass readings of the day. On my lunch break, I read whatever spiritual book I’m engaged in at the time or journal thoughts about what I’ve read. In the evenings I will lay in bed and read anything spiritual, whether a book off my nightstand or articles or blogs on my phone from other Catholic authors. Before I go to sleep I will thank God for my day, for all my blessings and pray for certain intentions. Now my spiritual routine doesn’t always go as planned every single day. I’ve accepted that it’s just part of life to have some bumps in the road every now and then. But what my spiritual routine has in common and what they should all have in common is this: Prayer, Spiritual Reading, and Scripture. We will call it PSS. Just like we use in a writing a letter, we are adding something to our lives.

PRAYER

There is no right or wrong way to pray. You can say memorized prayers that you’ve learned as a kid, just have a conversation with God or even read from your Bible. My morning prayer used to be saying a rosary. I have gotten out of that routine for the summer months, but there is much power in saying the rosary daily, reflecting on the mysteries and Mother Mary. Whatever your routine is, just make sure you incorporate prayer consistently.

SPIRITUAL READING

It is as simple as it sounds. Pick up something spiritual and read it. This may be a book by Matthew Kelley, this may be your Bible, a reflection in your church bulletin from the previous Sunday or even a daily devotional. No matter what it is, make sure you read something spiritual every day. I am very interested in saints and their lives. When I’m in between books or even in my downtime I will look up saints and read about them. One thing I have helped further my spiritual life is reflecting on what I read by writing it down or underlining. If something spoke to me while I read it, I will underline it or if I can’t write in the book or if it’s electronic, I have a notebook I will journal. Jesus has spoken to me in so many ways while writing about Him!

SCRIPTURE

This is an easy one too. READ THE BIBLE! No seriously, read it! There are Bible apps if that helps! Every December, I read one chapter of the Gospel of Luke starting on December 1st. Then I went and read the Gospel of Matthew and so on. It is easy for me to go on United States Conference of Catholic Bishops website and read any part of the Bible even if I don’t have my physical Bible with me. When we read scripture, we are able to engage ourselves in Jesus’s life but also the lives of others and how faith affected them. These were real people. We can relate to them. You’ve heard stories of the prodigal son, the woman at the well, Zacchaeus in the sycamore tree, Adam and Eve and the list goes on and on. Fascinating scriptures put together in one of the best books even written.

PARTICIPATE

The last step would be to participate. This is the key in unlocking the tools to scrape off the stuck faith. This is where people tend to stop. They don’t finish the last step. Partly because it requires our time. Time is very valuable and precious. Time is something we don’t want to give up. Time requires sacrifice. It means not binge watching Netflix, it means waking up earlier, it means putting down social media at times, it means time away from your comfort zone. Sacrifice is hard. I think about Jesus, his death on the cross, and all he sacrificed for us. For US. He didn’t do all of that for himself. He died on that cross for others. Sometimes our time will need to be sacrificed for others. It is important to remember, we are here to be His hands and feet. We can’t accomplish that if we have our hands crossed and our feet planted not wanting to make the move.

Just how do we participate? We participate at mass. Yes, open the missal, read along with the lector, sing along with the choir, listen to the priest’s homily, and most importantly participate in Holy Communion. (I realize not everyone will be able to do this, due to civil marriages, annulments pending, divorces etc.) But if you are able to receive Holy Communion, you should. Which brings me to participating in the sacrament of reconciliation. Yes, go to confession. (I go at least monthly at minimum) I know it’s hard and uncomfortable and requires you to exert effort and time. BUT. Going to confession is one of the best jump starts on unsticking your faith. The last way of participating is to get involved! Call your church office and see what ministries are in need of assistance. There are SO many you can help with! You could bake brownies for the next church bake sale, you can volunteer your time by teaching CCD, you could join the bereavement group, choir, Catholic Daughters, Knights of Columbus etc. Sign up for those church retreats that you keep hearing about. This will bring you new friendships that will help keep your faith from sticking. But you must keep up your side of the friendship. When that church friend invites you for coffee, GO! When he or she want to come visit, LET THEM. Don’t worry about the house or laundry. When you are asked to join a bible study, DO IT! Giving up our time is hard, but the reward is great.

For all of this to work, you have to do it! You will fall, you will fail, trust me I have and I still do. But I promise, if you honestly put an effort to these 3 steps we discussed: Mass, PSS, and Participate; you WILL climb out of that rut. And you know what the best part is? Once you get out, you will be a driving force to help others get out! You will be able to throw them a spiritual rope and pull them to higher ground. Ultimately, isn’t that what Jesus wants us to do? To go and spread the good news. To stand up for our faith. To share all God’s grace and goodness with others. We have the ability to become holy and to share this holiness. No one is exempt from this amazing accomplishment! We know the steps to take, it’s time put our best foot forward.

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.” Ephesians 6: 8-10

Over the years I have become more transparent in my conversations. I believe in speaking truth and not being afraid to tell all if needed. For instance, I haven’t written a blog in while. I have had immense writer’s block. I have all these topics to talk about but the words won’t type. I have also done a 46 day consecration to Mother Mary and wrapping up a 33 day consecration to St. Joseph. I feel like that has taken my concentration away from writing, but for a good reason!

During these consecrations, I have organized groups and we meditate on the daily readings. Think small group bible study, with open discussion for what you thought or felt during the reading. Almost every time I read the daily meditation, it reminded me of a time in my life. Maybe a good time, maybe a bad time, but a memory came about. For some, the idea of sharing that memory to others is preposterous. The vulnerability, the potential judgement, the lack of understanding from others triggers a conscious thought of shutting down and remaining silent.

I can see how easily it would be to have the “shut down” thought. For some it is something they grew up with. Growing up, I was taught to “sweep things or feelings under the rug.” It wasn’t common to talk about your feelings, your hurt, or your pain. I’m not sure why this was. Maybe my parents didn’t feel equipped to listen, or maybe there was some hurt within them that needed healing first. Either way, when someone asked “Hey how are you!?” You were taught to respond, “I’m fine.” Even if you weren’t. That mentality was not just in my childhood home, but many of yours as well. If we don’t learn to be okay with being transparent, we will never break that generational curse.

During these consecrations, I felt like at times I had “vomit of the mouth.” I just couldn’t help myself from sharing my memory or my thought on the topic. After much consideration and feeling like I was “oversharing,” I realized I’m just being transparent. You want to know something about my life? Just ask. I don’t have secrets. I’ll tell you the good, the bad and and the ugly. You know why? Because that’s what Jesus wants. He wants us to be good listeners as well as being truthful shepherds. Our trials, tribulations, and faith journey can help others. It can show them that through the hard times, there can be good times. That through talking about hurt, you begin to heal.

My mind always goes back to the story of the woman at the well. We look at chapter 4 of the Gospel of John. Jesus was traveling to Galilee and sat down at a well in the town of Sychar. A woman came up to the well and Jesus asked her for a drink of water. As simple as that sounds, it wasn’t socially acceptable for Jesus, a Jew, and this woman, a Samaritan, to conversate. After a couple of questions, she points out to Jesus that he doesn’t have cup to drink from. Was the woman being sarcastic? Who knows really. But I can see myself, years ago, being that way. In a shut off tone I could see myself saying “Well how are you going to drink without a cup? Didn’t you think about that before you sat at the well?” I think about past experiences, were there times I shut down Jesus? Could that certain experience been a time he was showing up for me and I shut him off, shut him away with a sarcastic response?

The woman began to talk to Jesus, specifically about religious matters. The woman, who had been married five times and was not currently married to the man she was with, sat there and talked to Jesus. She was being transparent. She already knew that Jesus knew about her situation, and she could have remained silent, fear of embarrassment, fear of being judged or ridiculed. But she didn’t. She spoke. To Jesus. And He listened. Part of the transparency is being a good listener. What happens next is incredible:

“Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” (v. 21-24).

The woman believed. The woman immediately ran off to tell others. Jesus’s conversation with the woman made her a believer! He said his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and IN TRUTH. How many times could we have been shepherds, had we just told the truth? Had we experienced maybe the humility of a certain situation to find the blessing from it? Have we been like Jesus and sat and listened to someone?

We have all been the woman at the well. We have all had a past that maybe Jesus wouldn’t be proud of, or an experience that wasn’t “Jesus worthy.” Should that stop us from talking? Should that stop us from listening? Through the hard times, through our hurt, through speaking about these experiences comes healing. After all, Jesus loves you, just like the woman at the well. Start being transparent. Start being truthful about what is going on in your life, even if doesn’t match what you see on social media or television. Through our honesty, we can create a great sturdy path for our faith journey. The first step is truth.

Hugs and Loves,

Ali

“God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in Spirit and in truth.” John 4:24

Are you still struggling with what to do or give up for Lent? Not to worry, the church gives us guidelines to follow. The three pillars of Lent are: Prayer, Fasting and Almsgiving. Let’s take a look at these individually and dive into them head first.

Prayer

This is a very easy one to understand, right? All you have to do is pray. Well, I already do that anyway so check that one off the list! Actually, there’s more. Deep, spiritual prayer, to become closer to God, to ask for help for yourself and those of others. Are you doing that? Are you prayers quick and hurried? Or are they not rushed, inviting Jesus to the conversation? The fact is that prayer is powerful. The Rosary is powerful. Are we praying to just “get it done” or are we praying to do God’s will? If I have time to scroll my social media for countless hours, I have time to pray. I can read a chapter in the Bible, I can pick up my devotional or pick a new saint to learn about. Do you Netflix when you get home? Are you one to stay up until 2am binge watching a new season? Couldn’t this time be better served praying to God? Ask Mary to intercede for us during prayer. Gather your family and pray a rosary together, praying before your meal together. On the way to school or practice, say an Our Father together. Isn’t that what Jesus would prefer? Think. If Jesus is supposed to be the center of our lives, why do we keep putting him on the sidelines? It is like He is second string in the game and He keeps trying out to be in a starting position and yearns for that accomplishment, but us as the coach keep benching Him.

Fasting (& Abstinence)

Easy! No meat on Fridays during Lent and on Ash Wednesday. Check! Man, this Lent is going to be easy! Not so fast…! (See what I did there? HEHE) Fasting is a very sacrificial way to show our love for God. Doing a great fast during Lent is key. This is going to be the hardest of the pillars to accomplish, but very rewarding. Moses fasted for 40 days and what happened? He received the Ten Commandments from Jesus on Mount Sinai! Elijah fasted for 40 days and then met Jesus on Mount Horeb. As you can see, their fasts had the same outcome, both Moses and Elijah were in spiritual preparation to encounter Jesus. Isn’t that our goal in life? To encounter Jesus? Now I know a 40 day fast can seem pretty unrealistic or hard in today’s society, but why not try a 1 day bread and water fast? Not sliced sandwich bread, like good, hearty bread. Allowing our bodies to be conscious of the demons. We tend to suppress our issues or our demons with food, alcohol, sweets, etc. Satan is absolutely horrified when we fast. To prove that we can overcome temptation and allow our demons to become aware is something Satan dislikes. Maybe we are overeating because we are angry, or maybe we are sad. Using fasting is a great way to make our conscious aware of the issue at hand, asking Jesus to help us get rid of it, and removing it (along with other toxins) from our body. What if you did only water until dinner? What type of fast can you do? On Fridays, can you truly make a sacrificial fast instead of choosing the fried shrimp po’boy over the hamburger?

There are additional types of fasting that can go along with your food fast. The obvious of fasting from social media and tv is there. But what about fasting from gossip? It has become so easy in today’s society to talk badly about others. Whether or not you like that person, whether or not they did you wrong, if you maliciously speak ill will of that person with the intent to tell others something about them that they didn’t know, you are committing a mortal sin. If you call someone fat, or ugly, or speak of a personal issue about their marriage or divorce-especially knowing that you don’t care about that person or have any personal interest in the outcome- You have to stop. Enough is enough. It is one thing to care about a family member going through a rough time and needing help, it is another thing to spread news about an acquaintance that works in the building next to you that you don’t really know but feel the need to talk poorly about. Do you think Jesus thinks less of that person because you said she was fat? Do you think Jesus thinks less of your neighbor because they have random hook ups showing up every other weekend? No. For one, it is none of your business, and for two, that is between them and Jesus. He is who they will have to answer to. I have lots of people who ask me for prayers and specific prayer requests. Some of them are very personal and would defame their character to others if I repeated them. That doesn’t give me the right or power to go and spread their business. We are here to be followers of Christ. To spread the good news. I have said this over and over, all I want in life is to make Jesus proud, and I know spreading gossip isn’t the way to do that.

Almsgiving

Give to charity. Easy peasy. Right? Well sure it means monetary contributions, but we can do more than that. Or if you don’t have extra to contribute, then you can still participate in Almsgiving. Here are some suggestions:

1. Donate food to local food bank
2. Help an elderly neighbor or church parishioner
3. Increase your contribution to your local parish
4. Offer your talents-maybe tutor, teach music lessons for free, coach lessons for a sport
5. Support any ministries at your church
6. Write a note or letter to someone you care about-positive words from the heart
7. Demonstrate grace and kindness towards a person who has been giving you a hard time
8. Call a friend who you know needs a listening ear and someone to lean on even though you keep putting it off.

There are many ways we can show charity to others and give our gifts to those who need them most. This may also mean that we go without. For instance, instead of going out to eat, you could stay home and make sandwiches and use that money to give to others who need it more. Maybe that is going to the grocery store and buying some essentials items for a local charity. Either way, there are many ways we can “give more” not just of our money, but of ourselves. The only person stopping this from happening is you.

Theses are just some ideas to help set yourself up for a successful Lent. Try not to do it all at once. I know we all may have grand ideas of how we are going to tackle this Lenten season, but try to choose realistic, attainable goals that will not just give you the ability to check off of a list, but to truly deeper your relationship with God and grow your spiritual journey.

It shouldn’t have to stop with Lent. Continue to give yourself to God. Continue to sacrifice things in order to prepare yourself spiritually. Pray, and pray often. Don’t stop after 40 days. If your goal is to say the rosary every day during Lent, then say it every day during your life. Imagine the power of that prayer and the blessings you will receive.

Hugs and Loves, Ali

“Renounce yourself in order to follow Christ; Discipline your body; Do not pamper yourself, but love fasting.” -St. Benedict

I’ve recently done some soul searching and determined that I am lazy when it comes to laundry. I do not like it, I do not want to fold it, I do not want to hang it or put it away. It is the demise of my wife and motherly duties. Recently, I was blessed with a day off in the middle of the week with zero appointments on the calendar. After much pushing from my 16 year old step daughter, I finally broke down-literally was about to have a break down-and did ALL-yes ALL- of the laundry in the house. I hung up every single piece of clothing that has been laying over the pew in our bedroom for months. I donated items that didn’t fit, and managed to tackle putting away all of the 5 year old’s clothing as well. I felt very accomplished. Like THIS is what it feels like to have all the laundry done! What was even better? The satisfaction from my family knowing that I completed the insane task.

Since that day, I have thought about laziness a lot. I’ve thought about Jesus and His accomplishments. Seeing the satisfaction from His followers must have been heart gushing. He wasn’t lazy, he didn’t think “Well, I’ll heal that person next week.” He did it-He was constantly interrupted on His journey by people needing, begging and wanting his attention and healing. As humans, we are constantly interrupted. Work, school, appointments, ball games, dance practice, snack time, supper and baths. All of these things-and many more-interrupt our lives to a point that we just continually put the laundry over the pew in our room because we think we have no time to tackle it.

Is that what we should be doing? I know it’s just laundry, but I think would Jesus have done that? Would He have let interruptions or the stress of his journey stop him from doing what he was sent to do? We’ve been talking about vocations a lot in our diocese and I can’t help but think my vocation as a wife and mother is such an important one. Am I doing all of the things that my vocation expects of me?

I’m not saying do everything yourself. That is for superheroes to accomplish. Part of my vocation is teaching my children how to care for themselves. Taking out trash, doing their laundry, doing dishes, etc. These chores are important in them growing to become independent people. My 5 year old gets dressed completely on her own, bathes herself and can was her own hair-I like to intervene because the last time she did this task she used face wash as shampoo-she can also make her breakfast and pack her lunch. My 16 year old is a great help and can and does so much to make our home run smoothly. From organizing our pantry, to washing her clothes, she is very well versed in being independent. My husband helps with laundry, dishes, cooking etc. We are a family unit. One person doesn’t do more than the other. We all help each other because we all benefit from the end goal.

So do you think at times we are being lazy? One would say no we are just too busy! Yes I have said that too. Then as I’m laying on the couch scrolling social media, I think this isn’t being busy, this is being lazy. We put certain priorities over others. Sometimes we mistake fatigue for laziness. Oh you don’t want to cook dinner because you are tired? Jesus was probably tired from walking a bazillion miles but he still healed the leper. He still showed up, for us. You can still show up, for Him, for your spouse, for your family, for you coworkers, for your employer.

I challenge each of you to step out of the lazy comfort zone and step into one of goal setting, goal reaching and accomplishment driven. Should you still lay on the couch on Saturday morning and drink coffee? YES! Just becoming aware of our laziness and implementing ways to change it is always a step in the right direction. Importantly, showing up for others is key. Whether that is spiritually, prayerfully or physically.

I’ll leave you with this thought. Do you ever tell someone “I’m praying for you!” or do you comment on social media with “Sending prayers your way.” I do. ALL THE TIME! There are so many people, including myself, that need our prayers. BUT. Do you actually pray for them? Seriously. Do you stop everything you are doing and pray? I used to not. I would just type the words or text the words and it would be a long gone thought. You know why? Because I was lazy. It felt good to tell that person I was praying for them, but I was too lazy to actually carry out the task. Our minds get lazy, our faith gets lazy, and if we don’t do anything about it, we will just continue to give empty prayers to those who desperately need the real, fulfilled ones.

I ask that you pray specifically for your vocation. Pray for your path in life and the path of those discerning. Pray for the vocation of your children. Pray for your priests and deacons.

*Prayer for Vocations

God our Father, we thank you for calling men and women to serve in your Son’s Kingdom as priests, deacons and consecrated persons. Send your Holy Spirit to help others to respond generously and courageously to your call. May our community of faith support vocations of sacrificial love in our youth and young adults. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirt, one God, forever and ever.

Amen

*United States Conference of Catholic Bishops

Hugs and Loves, Ali

“The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few, pray therefore the Lord of the harvest to send forth laborers for his harvest.” Luke 10:2

Sometimes the weight of the world is on our shoulders as parents. I mean think about this current world and everything going on. There is nothing normal about it, there is nothing familiar about it. We can’t take advice from our parents or grandparents because we are seeing things happen that have never happened before. How do we cope? How do we continue to make our children think we know what we are doing?

Growing up I was raised in a “fake it till you make it” house. You don’t talk about what is bothering you, you don’t talk about your fears, you just smile and nod. Honesty went out the window a long time ago and when you are asked how your day was you just always say it was great. This type of behavior has truly hindered a part of my journey with Jesus because as I walk with Him, there are moments that aren’t pretty, that aren’t great, and I have to learn how to talk through them, pray about them and get healing from that. Needless to say, this type of faking it lifestyle has proven hard for me in my parenting years. When I ask my kids if something is wrong or how was their day and I get the raw ugly truth of the world we live in- the conversation can be hard to absorb.

But. I am determined to break the generational curse. I am determined to listen, to lay our problems at the foot of the cross and use my faith journey to carry us through even the darkest times. I find myself looking at my daughter’s school shoes. They are so dirty, I mumble how I should probably wash them and that I wonder what they would look like if I hadn’t used the Scotchgard. Those shoes, those dirty shoes are small, but filled with large ideas. They are filled with large worry, wonder and hope. They walk through halls and run on playgrounds. They step in mud and step in classrooms. They go everywhere she goes and have seen it all. They have seen tears, laughter, hugs and fun. They have seen scraped knees, mean friends and disappointment. As simple as a pair of shoes can be, they sure have seen a lot of my daughter’s life.

I can’t help but think, “Those little shoes have seen some pretty big things.” As much as I pray my kids always have a great day, chances are, they will have some pretty crummy days too. It is how we handle those days that will make the difference. First we have to handle our own crummy days. If you are having a bad day, that’s okay! We all have bad days. Maybe you forgot your lunch, maybe you were late to work, but don’t let that one negative event take over your entire day. The truth is, I have a lot of crummy moments. Not days, but moments. I forget things, a lot. I speak before I think, a lot. My body hurts, a lot. My heart hurts, a lot. But it doesn’t define my day. It doesn’t define me. I simply offer it up to Jesus. I offer my pain, my disappointment, my moment- to use my suffering and join it with His own pain on the cross for the good of others. That my friends is the beauty of our journey. As adults, we have the option to offer it up, to not let that one bad moment define our entire day.

Let’s talk about offering it up for just a second. It is easy to say, but hard to do. Think about your own pain or suffering for a moment. Let’s start with a small inconvenience like not getting enough sleep the night before. Now you are tired, probably cranky and no amount of coffee even put through an IV in your arm is going to turn those tired eyes into a rested state. This can only go one of two ways. 1. You will have a crummy day, instead of a crummy moment. 2. You can offer it up. I always try to choose the latter. Offering my crummy moment to the Lord to use for His needs. Maybe I’ll say to offer it up for those who had no bed the night before. Those who slept in the ER of a hospital with a sick loved one. Those who are struggling with insomnia and anxiety. Offering my suffering shows mercy towards others. Isn’t that what Jesus wants anyway? Isn’t that what He did for us? If we look up at the cross and see his arms open wide knowing the agony and pain he suffered for us. If we look to Him and truly see what was endured for our goodness and mercy, that the act of His crucifixion can never match the pain we are enduring in our crummy moment, and we will continue to get closer to Jesus as we walk down the path he has laid before us.

Back to our children. Now that we have learned how to deal with our own crummy moments, let’s dive into theirs. I think the first step to this is simply keeping the line of communication open. I try to ask my 5 year old certain questions to trigger her thinking. Like “Who did you sit by at lunch today?” “What was your favorite part about the day?” Certain ice breaker questions that don’t require a yes or no answer gets those wheels turning to be able to start a conversation. It is much easier to conversate when you use this type of open ended questioning. I know this won’t work for all age groups. Little kids, little problems, big kids, bigger problems. Trust me I get that. Shifting gears from the 5 year old, to a high schooler to a out of town college child is difficult for myself. But if we start early in keeping the communication open-chances are when they get to be older, they will continue to want to talk to you.

Remember this. They are children. Your sufferings are not theirs. Your crummy days or moments are not shared equally with your family. They are only yours. Don’t drag your children into your crummy space. If you need time to think, just be honest. If you need time to offer it up, let them know. Let your spouse know or a close friend. Don’t bring your children into the crummy situation. I’m not saying act like everything is rainbows and butterflies, but how we handle ourselves is one of the best parenting advices of all. How we cope with the good, the bad and the ugly is being noticed by them. Do we turn to God? Do we turn to alcohol? Do we turn to drugs? Do we gossip and show hatred when things don’t go according to plan? Making that conscience effort of how you respond, of how you react, can greatly break that generational curse. You have that power. God gave that to you. Only you can use it for the greater good.

Hug and Loves, Ali

“So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.” Ephesians 5:1-2

One of the things I find fascinating is how other people interpret what they read, what others say, or what others do. I remember years ago when I attended a work conference we had breakout sessions where we were paired with other employees and did certain team building, empowerment type activities. One of the activities was very simple. We were given a word, and were told to write down what came to mind when hearing that word. The word that was spoken aloud was “bear.” We all had a different interpretations of this word. Grizzly, teddy, Winnie the Pooh, woods, and even naked came to mind for some. After all, we didn’t know the spelling so one could assume it was “bare” like not being clothed. How interesting I thought. We all work for the same company, we all have been at the same conference but some of us thought of bear in a childlike way, some in a threatening way and some in a completely different way of being stripped.

This exercise made me realize that without clear definition, one can assume a plethora of directions of what you are trying to communicate if not done effectively and clearly. I feel this way a lot when I read the bible. I assume or try to take literal of what I’m reading when in fact some of it is a suggestion. Simply, we take a lot of what we read out of context. I am always intrigued when I read ahead on Sundays and then learn during the homily that my interpretation was nothing like how our priest interpreted the scripture. As you can see none of the answers in the exercise were incorrect, but all correct interpretations of the word that was heard.

As I read the Gospel of Matthew this month I think of how scripture is written. For example, Matthew 6:19-21 reads, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” I don’t think this verse is literally meaning “don’t worry about saving money on earth because it is not needed in heaven.” In reality, we do need to be responsible about our finances and I know God would want that for us. I do think it means not literal treasures like gold and money, but more our love for God. The end goal is to get to heaven and choosing wealth, greed, etc is not the path we need to be taking. Do we miss church because we are working? Do we choose to do something God wouldn’t approve of? Are we making money is a godly way? Do we work for a company that supports abortion or the making of a product that God wouldn’t like?

It’s time to go a new direction in our lives. Or at the very least, evaluate the direction we are currently heading. I think our current state of happiness plays a factor in this. I would have never thought of it that way until I heard a priest speak on the will of God and our happiness. He said “Happiness is doing God’s will.” Basically meaning, your happiness, your current course in life is dependent on the will of God. Are you doing the will He has set out for you? Or have you pushed that to the side to continue to do your own thing? If you are unhappy, sad, maybe depressed, are those emotions stemming from doing everything God has willed for you? Sit back and pray. Ask God, “what is your will for me? what am I supposed to be doing with my life?” If you take time to pray about this and listen I am positive your happiness will come. I used the example on my personal Facebook page of the old saying “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.” No matter how many times we try to force it, the reality is that the peg won’t fit. Now we could find a different hole, but the round hole is already there and its something we are used to, comfortable with. We could even sand or saw the peg to make it smaller and fit in the hole, but that would require work and effort. At the end of the day, God doesn’t want the peg to fit in the hole. It wasn’t the will that was intended. Some of us continue to try to make it work because it is familiar, normal, effortless territory. Is that doing His will?

I’ll leave you with this thought: If you were to type “heaven” into your GPS, would it give you a “recalculating” or “rerouting” message? Or are you already going in the correct direction?

Hugs and loves,

Ali

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6