Month: January 2022

Sometimes the weight of the world is on our shoulders as parents. I mean think about this current world and everything going on. There is nothing normal about it, there is nothing familiar about it. We can’t take advice from our parents or grandparents because we are seeing things happen that have never happened before. How do we cope? How do we continue to make our children think we know what we are doing?

Growing up I was raised in a “fake it till you make it” house. You don’t talk about what is bothering you, you don’t talk about your fears, you just smile and nod. Honesty went out the window a long time ago and when you are asked how your day was you just always say it was great. This type of behavior has truly hindered a part of my journey with Jesus because as I walk with Him, there are moments that aren’t pretty, that aren’t great, and I have to learn how to talk through them, pray about them and get healing from that. Needless to say, this type of faking it lifestyle has proven hard for me in my parenting years. When I ask my kids if something is wrong or how was their day and I get the raw ugly truth of the world we live in- the conversation can be hard to absorb.

But. I am determined to break the generational curse. I am determined to listen, to lay our problems at the foot of the cross and use my faith journey to carry us through even the darkest times. I find myself looking at my daughter’s school shoes. They are so dirty, I mumble how I should probably wash them and that I wonder what they would look like if I hadn’t used the Scotchgard. Those shoes, those dirty shoes are small, but filled with large ideas. They are filled with large worry, wonder and hope. They walk through halls and run on playgrounds. They step in mud and step in classrooms. They go everywhere she goes and have seen it all. They have seen tears, laughter, hugs and fun. They have seen scraped knees, mean friends and disappointment. As simple as a pair of shoes can be, they sure have seen a lot of my daughter’s life.

I can’t help but think, “Those little shoes have seen some pretty big things.” As much as I pray my kids always have a great day, chances are, they will have some pretty crummy days too. It is how we handle those days that will make the difference. First we have to handle our own crummy days. If you are having a bad day, that’s okay! We all have bad days. Maybe you forgot your lunch, maybe you were late to work, but don’t let that one negative event take over your entire day. The truth is, I have a lot of crummy moments. Not days, but moments. I forget things, a lot. I speak before I think, a lot. My body hurts, a lot. My heart hurts, a lot. But it doesn’t define my day. It doesn’t define me. I simply offer it up to Jesus. I offer my pain, my disappointment, my moment- to use my suffering and join it with His own pain on the cross for the good of others. That my friends is the beauty of our journey. As adults, we have the option to offer it up, to not let that one bad moment define our entire day.

Let’s talk about offering it up for just a second. It is easy to say, but hard to do. Think about your own pain or suffering for a moment. Let’s start with a small inconvenience like not getting enough sleep the night before. Now you are tired, probably cranky and no amount of coffee even put through an IV in your arm is going to turn those tired eyes into a rested state. This can only go one of two ways. 1. You will have a crummy day, instead of a crummy moment. 2. You can offer it up. I always try to choose the latter. Offering my crummy moment to the Lord to use for His needs. Maybe I’ll say to offer it up for those who had no bed the night before. Those who slept in the ER of a hospital with a sick loved one. Those who are struggling with insomnia and anxiety. Offering my suffering shows mercy towards others. Isn’t that what Jesus wants anyway? Isn’t that what He did for us? If we look up at the cross and see his arms open wide knowing the agony and pain he suffered for us. If we look to Him and truly see what was endured for our goodness and mercy, that the act of His crucifixion can never match the pain we are enduring in our crummy moment, and we will continue to get closer to Jesus as we walk down the path he has laid before us.

Back to our children. Now that we have learned how to deal with our own crummy moments, let’s dive into theirs. I think the first step to this is simply keeping the line of communication open. I try to ask my 5 year old certain questions to trigger her thinking. Like “Who did you sit by at lunch today?” “What was your favorite part about the day?” Certain ice breaker questions that don’t require a yes or no answer gets those wheels turning to be able to start a conversation. It is much easier to conversate when you use this type of open ended questioning. I know this won’t work for all age groups. Little kids, little problems, big kids, bigger problems. Trust me I get that. Shifting gears from the 5 year old, to a high schooler to a out of town college child is difficult for myself. But if we start early in keeping the communication open-chances are when they get to be older, they will continue to want to talk to you.

Remember this. They are children. Your sufferings are not theirs. Your crummy days or moments are not shared equally with your family. They are only yours. Don’t drag your children into your crummy space. If you need time to think, just be honest. If you need time to offer it up, let them know. Let your spouse know or a close friend. Don’t bring your children into the crummy situation. I’m not saying act like everything is rainbows and butterflies, but how we handle ourselves is one of the best parenting advices of all. How we cope with the good, the bad and the ugly is being noticed by them. Do we turn to God? Do we turn to alcohol? Do we turn to drugs? Do we gossip and show hatred when things don’t go according to plan? Making that conscience effort of how you respond, of how you react, can greatly break that generational curse. You have that power. God gave that to you. Only you can use it for the greater good.

Hug and Loves, Ali

“So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.” Ephesians 5:1-2

One of the things I find fascinating is how other people interpret what they read, what others say, or what others do. I remember years ago when I attended a work conference we had breakout sessions where we were paired with other employees and did certain team building, empowerment type activities. One of the activities was very simple. We were given a word, and were told to write down what came to mind when hearing that word. The word that was spoken aloud was “bear.” We all had a different interpretations of this word. Grizzly, teddy, Winnie the Pooh, woods, and even naked came to mind for some. After all, we didn’t know the spelling so one could assume it was “bare” like not being clothed. How interesting I thought. We all work for the same company, we all have been at the same conference but some of us thought of bear in a childlike way, some in a threatening way and some in a completely different way of being stripped.

This exercise made me realize that without clear definition, one can assume a plethora of directions of what you are trying to communicate if not done effectively and clearly. I feel this way a lot when I read the bible. I assume or try to take literal of what I’m reading when in fact some of it is a suggestion. Simply, we take a lot of what we read out of context. I am always intrigued when I read ahead on Sundays and then learn during the homily that my interpretation was nothing like how our priest interpreted the scripture. As you can see none of the answers in the exercise were incorrect, but all correct interpretations of the word that was heard.

As I read the Gospel of Matthew this month I think of how scripture is written. For example, Matthew 6:19-21 reads, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” I don’t think this verse is literally meaning “don’t worry about saving money on earth because it is not needed in heaven.” In reality, we do need to be responsible about our finances and I know God would want that for us. I do think it means not literal treasures like gold and money, but more our love for God. The end goal is to get to heaven and choosing wealth, greed, etc is not the path we need to be taking. Do we miss church because we are working? Do we choose to do something God wouldn’t approve of? Are we making money is a godly way? Do we work for a company that supports abortion or the making of a product that God wouldn’t like?

It’s time to go a new direction in our lives. Or at the very least, evaluate the direction we are currently heading. I think our current state of happiness plays a factor in this. I would have never thought of it that way until I heard a priest speak on the will of God and our happiness. He said “Happiness is doing God’s will.” Basically meaning, your happiness, your current course in life is dependent on the will of God. Are you doing the will He has set out for you? Or have you pushed that to the side to continue to do your own thing? If you are unhappy, sad, maybe depressed, are those emotions stemming from doing everything God has willed for you? Sit back and pray. Ask God, “what is your will for me? what am I supposed to be doing with my life?” If you take time to pray about this and listen I am positive your happiness will come. I used the example on my personal Facebook page of the old saying “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.” No matter how many times we try to force it, the reality is that the peg won’t fit. Now we could find a different hole, but the round hole is already there and its something we are used to, comfortable with. We could even sand or saw the peg to make it smaller and fit in the hole, but that would require work and effort. At the end of the day, God doesn’t want the peg to fit in the hole. It wasn’t the will that was intended. Some of us continue to try to make it work because it is familiar, normal, effortless territory. Is that doing His will?

I’ll leave you with this thought: If you were to type “heaven” into your GPS, would it give you a “recalculating” or “rerouting” message? Or are you already going in the correct direction?

Hugs and loves,

Ali

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6